Warning — I’m getting preachy! While spending time with my sister I picked up and read the monthly publication produced by the faith of my childhood. One of the articles, by Martin Buhr, was on doubting. It’s not quite the same as questioning, but really close. “Growing up,church was not a safe place to express doubts: I would be given the pre-formed answer and would be subject to rejection or ridicule if I expressed my doubts.”
   That one sentence took me flashing back to an experience with an adult youth group, in the same denomination. A wonderfully compassionate and free thinking young woman, one who was to become a close and dear friend, asked the worship leader a question that rather than leading to a conversation and possible growth, shut her down immediately - rejection for sure if not ridicule. Her query was ‘what if what we are taught isn’t the only truth?’ I thought, still think, that’s a fair question. It deserves to be examined. Just as I often heard ‘the unexamined life is not worth the living’ from my philosopher/farmer/teacher father, I believe the unexamined faith is not worth the believing.
   The God I love and serve is a God big enough to take my questions. The prophet Malachi relays the words of God to his people ‘ test me in this’ (Malachi 3: 10)— the this being the giving of tithes. We know how sensitive talking about money and giving to the church can be, and if God is willing to challenge the people to test Him and prove the truth of His word, well, I think that can apply to all areas of our faith walk! His Son, Jesus, didn’t rebuke, ridicule or reject Thomas when he doubted the reality of a risen Lord. Just said ‘put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Stop doubting and believe.’ (John 20: 22)
   We all have our own opportunities to prove God. I stand secure in my faith with two important touchstones. One was the day I faced rejection and verbal abuse from one who should have been trustworthy. I stood, my arms around a slender aspen tree, looked to the heavens and reminded God of the promise to be a mother to the motherless, and a father to the fatherless. From that day to now, God is and will be my father and my mother. Totally trustworthy, loving and accepting.
   The second anchor to my faith was/is the answer to a prayer I prayed when I was twenty eight years old, a single parent and very alone. I asked God to provide a husband if it was His perfect will for I could soldier on alone. I promised God that I would say yes to the next man that asked me to marry him. (yes, there had been some interesting proposals up to this point!) On Sept. 26 Ed, on our first date, proposed, and on October 10 of the same year we married. He died thirty hours after our fortieth anniversary. God was/is good.
   It’s okay to know why we believe what we believe. God is big enough for our questions.